Kate
22.02.2005 03:41 |
if regret didnít hold such power over me
maybe this wouldnít hurt so bad.
if love is anything i felt,
why did the tears cover my face instead?
why did the fear rattle my bones
at night?
everything you ever worked for;
that was your prize.
anything i ever did wrong,
your anger was my gold star.
it didn’t matter how much i pushed you away,
or kept myself alone,
you found some reason to throw a fit in rage.
no matter how i well thought for myself, you did
your very best to prove me wrong.
and i had no choice but to trust you
and yet, it shattered my heart.
for years i built walls.
lived in silence.
pencils were the quiet way to get the pain
somewhere else than burry it inside.
if guilt didn’t consume my every emotion,
maybe i could’ve been more honest or less afraid.
but you were too good at making my feelings
seem worthless;
no expression was needed to prove anything at all.
regret, guilt and loss.
in this order,
this too, shall pass.
somewhere i’ll still remember the laughter we shared. |
Aquarelita - BG
22.02.2005 11:36 |
Kate, your poem is very personal and I can say I know how you're feeling. Last time I saw my dad was about 3 years ago, he barely sends me an email every now and then. I never lived with him, but he was and still is such a great part of me. Everything he does affects me... and I wish he didn't have that power.
You're poem... thanks. |
Kate
23.02.2005 03:24 |
Aquarelita - BG -- Wow! I'm glad I don't feel too alone.. although.. I lived with my parents for several years.. I mean.. long story short, I just turned 24 when I was finally healthy enough to move out...
The sad part is, he passed away earlier this month. :(
so.. it's a bittersweet thing.. |
Tahra
09.03.2005 20:06 |
Oh wow... That's amazing. I know how you feel, I'm lucky if I talk to my dad once every few years, the last time I saw him was 10 years ago, I'm only 20, and I miss him. I hope that he'll write, but he doesn't. I wish he didn't have the power over me to get my hopes up.
I hope you're doing alright! |
