03.19.94 - Normalcy

I wonder if it's normal to be angry all the time. My shrink seems to think so, but what the hell does he know. I'd be willing to bet he never lost anyone the way I did. You'll have to forgive me for now, whoever you may be. I am well aware that all of my thoughts revolve around how angry I am or how greif stricken I am. But, you know what? It's my journal. And seeing as how it's my journal I'm going to write whatever the hell I want to. It is supposed to be personal after all.


Anyway, I can't think straight enough to even put together simple sentences. I hate The Council more and more every day. I am trying to finish my studies, but I no longer have the drive to do so. Oh, I've also upped my cigarette count to two packs a day. I never used to smoke that much - not unless we were up late talking the night away. But the smokes seem to be the only thing keeping me sane right now.

I lie awake all night, afraid to close my eyes and see his face - afraid to remember the soundof his voice in my dreams. I am such a coward.